You know when you've been working so much in your land of fiction when you suddenly become one of your characters.
I was laying in bed (yeah it's after midnight right now) and all I could hear was "Boom, Boom, Boom! Boom, Boom, Boom." Our neighbor has six kids and the youngest loves to throw parties for all her college friends. And the "boom" in this case is her stereo.
Fed up, I threw my glasses on, stomped down the stairs, and grabbed my flip flops. Convinced they wouldn't want to listen to their nasty, whining, messy-haired neighbor, I grabbed a bag of chips as a peace offering. They couldn't hate me bearing gifts.
So I went to the front door. Knocked, but already felt defeated. Offering the bag of Wavy Lays, I was going to say: "Sorry to be the grump, but would you mind turning your music down? I'm not mad, I don't have a chip on my shoulder."
Hardy
Har
Har
Okay, so I wasn't really going to say it, but the line did go through my mind. I actually wished, standing there, that I could get away with saying it, that I was a fictional character, the land of fantasy becoming my glorious playground.
Well. They didn't open the door. In fact, it was ridiculous to hope that they would. They were actually on the back porch. I had stared at them from my back yard earlier. (Could have mentioned that earilier, couldn't have I!) Sure, I could have stepped to the fence, bedraggled homemaker woman, demanding that they turn their music down. But I didn't. And THE BASS IS PLAYING STILL.
It's funny, earlier tonight I had the same yearning--that I wished I were a fictional character. Someone was talking and I thought, "His voice is so nasally. Wow! It really is bad! If I were in fiction, know what I'd say? Nothing too brilliant, but I'd point it out! Right in the middle of his sentence, I would blurt, 'Stop talking, (name unmentioned) the nasality of your voice is hurting my ears!'"
Ha! Wouldn't that have been awesome?!
Okay, so I've spent the last two days rewriting like a mad woman. I should probably use the Sabbath to take a step back.
:)
UPDATE!
ReplyDeleteI did it! I asked them to turn it down! The good ol' fashioned nasty neighbor at the fence made them turn it off!
I was actually quite nice. One girl heard me and had them turn it off. Nobody apologized but I guess I can't blame them--I kind of ruined their party... but it's after 1:30 am! And the smell of beer out there was thick!
Can you tell I'm eager for Adam to come home? To pull out the guns next time for our impending rift?!
More power to ya. I haven't had that problem lately but years ago as a batchelor living in apartments I would just pound on the paper thin walls until they turned it down or on occasion turn up my LOUDER stereo and blast things like Crystal Method's "Boom!"-(they're my fav electronica group, not to be confused with the drug) butr I suppose being nice can work too.
ReplyDeleteI grew up in the shadow of frat houses. Whenever a particularly rowdy party started, my parents called the police who then sent an officer to park on the street. Inevitably someone would leave the party with an open beer, get in a car and begin to drive away. The officer would flash his lights/sirens and pull the driver over. It's amazing how quickly the party would break up after that.
ReplyDeleteNow I can officially comment on your blog. Whenever I read it I lol (I don't think I have ever written those three letters seriously). I like your stories and your way with words. Now we are friends. Yeah!!!
ReplyDeleteDavid! Welcome back! I'm commented on your blog, so check out my comment there.
ReplyDeleteHey, Kate! I feel so cool! You're actually coming to my blog too! I've seen you about but haven't actually managed to talk to you myself. So, howdy! I'm very happy to meet you!
And L.A! Don't know if Karen told you but I was asking about you. Your book sounds so cute! I'm really excited to buy and read it. WiDo's releasing it in the Spring? Has Kristne been your editor the whole time?
I really hate that feeling of laying (lying?) in bed and trying to decide whether or not to say something to the rude people keeping you from sleep. It's the worst. Good news is, the daughter should be going back to college soon, right?
ReplyDeleteGood job sticking up for your right to SLEEP!
By the by-- What I always wish could be real from fictional writing is how minor characters ALWAYS get to have some significance later on. Wouldn't that be cool if the random people you meet each day had deep meaning? (Ha-- find a gospel analogy in THAT one!)
Alanna, you're making me wish I could say something profound to every stranger I meet!
ReplyDeleteI think Lance is a fictional character then, as he says anything on his mind. Actually, I've gotten much more outspoken these days. At the Shanghai airport Lance and I staked out two chairs while waiting for our plane. I got up to walk around with Lili and when I got back a little boy was sitting right next to my chair. When I sat down the boy says "Excuse me, but that seat is taken." Instead of being polite or acting as a responsible adult example, I snapped "Nu-uh, I was here first." Yes, read this with a snotty little kid voice. Lance was so embarrased, he told the kid he was sorry and told ME to move. My only excuse was I was really tired. Sad, eh?
ReplyDeleteour neighborhood has a silence ordinance, or whatever it's called. No loud noises after 10pm. I've never actually called the police, but if someone annoys me enough, I sure will!
ReplyDelete"bedraggled homemaker woman" Mary you have such a way with words!
ReplyDeleteWe live in such a quiet neighborhood, and I'm afraid to ever move, because when you look at a house, you really have no idea of what is behind the doors of your neighbors.
I heard about a family whose teenage sons were stalked by the neighbors teenage daughter, and she was making crazy claims and doing all kinds of wierd and dangerous stuff. They ended up having to move away in the dead of night and covering their tracks so the girl couldn't find them.
Man, talk about tons of horror stories, you guys! I actually think I should be grateful that they listened immediately and didn't try to break into my house and beat me up. I think they're actually pretty nice kids, just not really thinking it through. The music wasn't even really that loud--my bedroom is just right next to their screened in porch and bass really carries.
ReplyDeleteChris, Lance IS a fictional character. His eccentricity makes him one. But it's a good thing--he's actually an interesting person. But now he's got to deal with me calling him that!
Kristine has been my editor the whole time. She gives me good advise that I can just run with. I have torn apart my manuscript several times to get things right. The last time I sent it to her, I knew it still needed work, but I just needed to get it out of my hands, and see what she had to say.
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you how nice it is to hear that someone else has had to tear up their manuscript over and over again. I'm working on my fifth draft and am SO eager to get it into Billy's hands. It's changed so much yet AGAIN!
ReplyDelete