Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! I have a new goal in life. After reading a kazillion acknowledgments pages from brilliant authors who've hit it big, I've noticed one thing pretty much everyone has in common. THEY KNOW SOMEONE BIG. Don't you just love their little asides--"Oh thanks, J.K. Rowling for flipping through my manuscript. Oh thank you, Brandon Sanderson for taking me in under your wing. Dashner? James Dashner? Oh, yeah, he and I play raquetball."
I was talking with my sister about said phenomenon and told her my goal was to become best friends with everyone at the Storymakers Conference in two weeks. Maybe I should hand out gold coins. Chocolates? Would pina coladas be weird? But THEN my sister gave me the most brilliant, inverse of a plan. Instead of a quest to befriend every big star, I should get dirt on everyone and BLACKMAIL them into sharing their success.
*cue high pitched strings* Watch out, Sarah M. Eden, I'm going to tell everyone you could only write your latest book, Courting Miss Lancaster, with three Cheetos angled up your nose.
That's right, peeps. So now I have an agenda. Spread the word cuz my mission has changed. My goal is to get the fungusy dirt on everyone big you know. So then I can blackmail them into helping me ride on their tails too.
You heard me. You think I'm lying? Oh, no, no, I'm not. See I so happen to know one such rising star and he has insisted that I interview him on this very blog. Who? Well. Wouldn't you like to know. Robison Wells pretty much had to bribe him to announce one of the Whitney awards himself. This guy is the real deal. And I'm going to tell you his nasty secrets. You know the stuff you wanna hear. Like--oh yeah, I don't need to tell you the type of dirt cuz you already know!
Look at me using my voodoo on you. Just wait. In ONE week, you'll know what I'm talking about. Is the suspense killing you? Is it? IS IT? I'll reveal it in ONE week. Be PATIENT! And this author should be very scared. EvErYoNe is going to know your secrets.
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ReplyDeleteBoy, aren't you just mysterious.
ReplyDeleteHahaha! It WOULD be awesome to be able to thank somebody famous in your acknowledgements. At this point, mine would have umm...my mom. lol
ReplyDeleteWell I'm glad your mom supports you, KM! I think my mom might be too scared of my stuff!!
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to meeting you at Storymakers. I think.
ReplyDeleteOh, I frickin' LOVE Robison Wells. I can't wait to hear the dirt. ;) Although, I'm scared to see what you'll come up with me. =0
ReplyDeleteNot that I'm a rising star or anything...that sounded so pompous. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteHee hee, I'm laughing and I'm not even fully awake yet. Can't wait to see what you come up with (though I hear a certain someone has an intense fear and loathing of the Dave Matthews Band). Hmm, maybe I should have saved that one for myself. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteVery funny! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteAnd to think, when I first began reading the post, I thought you were going to try to befriend a well-known author. I'm sure blackmail will work too. Have fun!
ReplyDeletelol, LT. See, you already gave me dirt. You're SO pompous. You never help other people in their writing and only say negative things. Sheesh.
ReplyDeleteKimberly, thanks for stopping by! Be very afraid of meeting. Can't wait to read your book!
Krista, it's sad! Dave Matthews Band used to be my favorite band!!
Thanks, Aubrie, Theresa. I'll need it.
Um... it's 2 Cheetos in the nose. 1 in the ear. Blackmail should, after all, be accurate!
ReplyDeleteAh, yes. That's what I get for going with the cheap hidden cameras.
ReplyDeleteyou're hilarious girl! I love ya! can't wait to meet everyone (and you!) at the conference in two weeks! We are going to have a BLAST!
ReplyDeleteOh yeah. Bring on the dirt.
ReplyDeleteIt worries me a bit that to publish you might just HAVE to know someone big. How terribly discouraging :( Blah.
BUT, I LOVE your new profile pic. I'll say it only once so I don't sound like a stalker, but good gracious, lady, hot stuff! :)
lol, THANKS, Carolina!!!
ReplyDeleteTamara, I CAN'T WAIT!!
Hey! Just saw your new profile pic. GOR. GEOUS. Just had to say it!
ReplyDeleteAww. Thanks, Krista! I'm so glad I could find a friend who could make me look half human. ;)
ReplyDeleteThis would be funny . . . but I think you really could do it. You're hilarious, I miss you!
ReplyDeleteHello! I just discovered your blog through Ann Best's blog, and it looks very nice! And it's true that everyone successfull seems to know someone big... best of luck to you on your mission! The closest I am to knowing a big shot (not even literary), is a colleague of my mother who knows Colin Firth. Pathetic, I know:)
ReplyDeleteKim!! Make your blog! I need details on your house!
ReplyDeleteAlexandra, glad you stopped by. Colin Firth. Mmm.
I don't care if you blackmail me. I mean, most people already know I'm a narcoleptic kleptomaniac dwarf with a coke habit and a foot fetish. What else could you say to embarrass me?
ReplyDeletePfft.
;)